I just realized that a friend of mine is an EQ genius at relationships-she recently returned from a trip to tropics with her husband and discovered a way to stop any minor arguments on their trip. They’ve both traveled before, both for business trips and small adventures around this country and others, and she was concerned before the trip began that they might fight or bicker about where to go or what to do.

Instead of stressing out about it needlessly in advance, she concocted a brilliant solution to relieve any marital tension that she might have while traveling. Whenever she or her husband got in the least bit snitty with each other during the course of the vacation, the other person would then say a silly, pre-determined code word to lighten the mood. The idea of a secret code word might sound silly, but in her case, it actually worked and made her short vacation a success.

Here’s an example of how someone could use a code word during the course of a brief argument with a partner:

Q: Do you really want to go to the beach again? I’m tired of you deciding where to go all the time.

A: Let’s talk about it tomorrow. We’re eating now.

Q:  Come on, I’m tired of your sh*t.

A:  Potato-head.

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Unless the argument is really serious and you and your partner are in financial talks, the silly code word really works. I recommend using it when you are on a date night, on vacation, or are needing to spend some time NOT ARGUING; in these instances, the silly code word really works. It’s hard to say angry at someone who is smiling across the table from you and saying, “potato head”.

The other advantage of a secret, silly code word is that no one else will no what you are talking about. You don’t have to air your dirty laundry in front of the world- only you and your loved one will know what you are talking about.

The important thing to remember about using this strategy is that you both must be in agreement about using the code word technique in advance. It’s also important to choose the code word together so that you both know it- otherwise, the potato-head interjection might not go exactly as planned. The use of a silly code word should be used ONLY to dispel tension and to remind you that this is a time to enjoy yourselves.

The word can be anything that makes you both smile. I asked my friend what hers was and she refused to share it with me- she didn’t want me to know what it was in case they used it secretly in my presence.