This is part II (Part I is HERE) in a short series about everybody’s favorite topic- Marriage and Sex and will specifically focus on ways for couples manage the difficulty of non-matching sex drives. Some men (and some women as well) take the low sex drives of their spouses as a license to cheat- John Edwards, whose wife had breast cancer,  is one of the more recent examples of this.

If your partner has a low sex drive and you feel that you’re not getting enough sex, does this automatically give you a license to cheat? In my opinion, the answer is NO. I’ve watched too many episodes of “Cheaters” and understand the pain and suffering of those who have been cheated on enough to know it’s not ok.

Fidelity in marriage is important for a number of reasons, not the least is that when your partner cheats on you, he puts your not only your emotions at risk, but your health as well. One benefit to a monogamous relationship is that your risk of getting an STD declines significantly. Another positive aspect of monogamy is that your relationship is less complicated  because there aren’t additional partners who may lay claim to your spouse either emotionally or financially, which is huge as no one wants any surprise phone calls from any “other women” or “other men” that your partner might happen to be seeing.

Of  course, just focusing on monogamy does nothing to help the partner who has the higher sex drive, so it’s definitely important for the couple to look into alternatives that can satisfy the needs of both partners. When confronted with questions about different sex drives in his weekly column, sex columnist Dan Savage usually suggests that the partner who is not getting enough sex discuss the situation with the other partner in order to find a workable compromise. One possible solution is asking for permission to open up the relationship to other partners- if there is truly no sex in the relationship, the wife or husband might not care. However,  this solution might be WAY out of the comfort realm for many couples.

Dan Savage also advises couples to consider alternatives to full-blown intercourse as a possible way to keep the partner who is unsatisfied a little more satisfied; some options include hand jobs, oral sex, mutual masturbation, or any number of other sexual alternatives to intercourse- the reason being of course that if a woman is not sexually stimulated enough, intercourse can be painful for her; likewise, if the man isn’t sexually stimulated enough, sex as defined by the likes of Bill Clinton is not going to happen. This way, there will at least be some sexual release that involves both partners. Again, while a low-sex drive is not a license to cheat, it might be a pretty strong incentive.

Dr. Weiner-Davis, who was consulted in a Psychology Today article on the same topic, had much simpler advice: Just do it. Her basic idea is that couples put far too much stress on themselves about their sex lives and it is important to just face it and try to get sexy once in a while. She also underscored the fact that a healthy relationship in other areas could also help a couples' sex life.

Re-invigorating a  sex life can also sometimes be helped with a regular date night just for sex, more foreplay, sexy lingerie, more flirting with your partner, and sex texting when you’re apart, but all of these tips need to be continued over time.

Again, for women who are no longer ovulating, the reason for a lower sex drive is strictly biological. HERE  is a link to more information about testosterone and other hormones that may be able to help.