Never Listen to Dr. Laura's Advice

The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura

Dr. Laura Schlessinger's masterpiece "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" was written in 2004 by the conservative author, but reads as if it were written in 1954. The book jacket touts the self-help guide as Dr. Laura's "most provocative book yet". While I can't vouch for the veracity of that comment because I haven't had the pleasure of reading her earlier works, I can say that if there was anything even slightly provocative about the book, it was difficult to find.

I found it difficult to read all of her advice and even more difficult to believe that it was actually written by a woman- it seems as if  "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" could re-named to "The Husband is Always Right". In each chapter, Dr. Laura focuses on common issues that affect marriages and then gives examples from real people with the same issues to demonstrate how the woman can then change her behavior to make her husband happier. While some of the suggestions make sense (listen to his needs, for example), some of her suggestions and examples definitely rubbed me the wrong way. The chapter on sex in "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" contained some of the worst advice I have ever read.

In Dr. Laura's chapter on sex, she starts out with a quote from Bob:

I think women use their bodies as tools for controlling men. Once they get married, they go on to other tools. It seems to me we have this backwards. Girls ought to be modest, and wives ought to be less so- around their husbands. Instead, single woman show thighs and breasts, and wives dress like Eskimos. I saw a lot more skin in my dating life than I do as a married man- and I was a virgin when we married.

Dr. Laura then advises women that frumpiness is not a good idea- she can't comprehend that women might wear t-shirts or sweats or fail to wear some perfume to make themselves smell nice for their men because, "sex is to men what  conversation is to a wife".  She also quotes Douglas who says that if a wife is not interested in sex, she should say, "Come on big guy. Show me what you got. Let's do it just for you.' Then tell him to skip the foreplay and let him just do his thing".  To any woman who has experienced intimacy with a loving partner, the idea of having sex with a husband "On Demand" without any consideration for a woman's needs is incomprehensible.

Dr. Laura's advice is other chapters is not much better. The basic idea throughout the book seems to be something along the lines of: make your husband feel important and don't nag. There isn't anything wrong with that advice per se, but she fails to offer any solutions, alternatives, or strategies for dealing with the problem. In 80% of the examples that she gives, the husband is the wronged person in the relationship and there isn't a halfway point.