Last year was full of rampant infidelity (Berlusconi, Tiger, and just about every Republican who has ever lived on C-Street) and each and every time, it was the important man who was reported as cheating on his wife. I just read a really interesting Salon article questioning monogamy, cheating, and why little mention is ever given to the fact that sometimes women cheat on their spouses as well.

The writer (Mary Elizabeth Williams) mentions several memoirs and books which are all coincidentally written by women discussing sex, marriage, monogamy, and infidelity. The French perspective (as told by a French psychologist) is that men will definitely cheat. I’m wondering if the reality is that French men will cheat more often than American men because their society is different and has been for quite some time. (I just read “Cousin Bette”, which is a Balzac book about old-school French society that absolutely terrified me because of the high amount of infidelity.)

According to the Salon article, roughly 3-4% of American both men and women cheated on their spouses in the last year  which is contrasted by the unconceivably high  figure of 40% for Gallic men. I am not sure where the writer got either statistic or whether the stats are accurate, but there is a big difference between the two numbers and trust me, I am glad that I am not French.

As for whether or not women cheat as much as men, I highly doubt it. Among the people I know, it seems that the men cheat more often than women. There is of course the remote possibility that  women are just sneakier than the men and don’t get caught or it could be because women are not currently in as many positions of power as men are, so are not getting noticed.

So, should it be both ways? Should a wife look the other way and pretend nothing is happening if her  husband is cheating? Or should she start having some (safe) fun herself? Is monogamy long gone? Do you think we are coming back to the days of “Key Parties” and wild orgies?

Personally, I believe that the best way to negotiate sex in a relationship is honest communication about expectations. If there isn’t trust in the relationship about sexual encounters, there probably isn’t trust in the relationship about other things. Every relationship is different and comes with a different set of expectations, but there isn’t a basis for understanding it won’t work.

Some wives choose to look the other way for very good reasons, but I think you have to really examine what is important to you in a relationship. I know some couples who do not have “open” relationships who have negotiated enough to open up the relationship slightly. I know others who have tried polyamorous relationships with varying success, and those who will remain monogamous for the rest of their lives.