I just read a great book about marriage and divorce entitled, "Here Lies My Heart". The book is a collection of personal essays by literary types reflecting on their own relationships over the course of their lives. "Serial Lover" by Rebecca Walker caught my attention.

In the essay, the writer describes a series of five, monogamous relationships and how she grew from each one. Ms. Walker also shares her personal beliefs about marriage in general, which are not altogether positive if this quote is any indication:

Marriage feels like the ultimate delusion, a pre-cooked TV dinner with compartments and impossibilities like 'forever' and 'completeness'.....

Whether this stems from her personal knowledge of others' relationships or her fear of commitment (which she openly admits) in general, it is difficult to say, but might have more to do with the fact that she is only 27 than anything else. At 27, I seriously have to wonder how in-depth her five committed relationships actually were. As for the bitterness in her TV dinner comment, I am curious who her marital models were or if she just formed her opinions based on "American Beauty" or "Married with Children", which definitely show  more negative perspectives on so-called marital bliss.

My grandparents were one of the few couples who I believe actually had an amazing relationship- they each had their own interests, but shared many things together. In the summers, she would spend her time at her holiday retreat and he would stay in town where he could socialize with everybody on Sundays-Wednesdays and would visit her the rest of the week. In the winters after they were both retired, they would travel together and found a new passion that they had not anticipated earlier in life. Watching their relationship gave me a hopeful perspective on marriage.

Of course, I understand that not all marriages are as happy as my grandparents' marriage was. When I see certain couples who have been unhappily married for most of their lives, I also wonder why they stay together, even sometimes once the children are grown up and out of the the house, which is probably where the writers' fear comes from.

Ms. Walker explains that when she embarks on a new relationship she is committing to the experience and not necessarily to changing along with her partner, which truthfully shows a depth of understanding on her part. In my opinion, aside from the usual fights over money or household chores, dealing with changes in a relationship can be the trickiest part. As anyone who's been a long term relationship knows, the honeymoon period doesn't last forever.

I do still have to wonder if Ms. Walker has considered the importance of a partner serving in a supporting role when things get tough, which is one of the major benefits to being in a relationship with someone who knows you inside and out.